I am just me.
I am just one person in the whole world, but I am also the world to one person.
She is Mrs Twigg (limeyswife), and she is the reason I am here.
We met in 2004, in a Usenet support group for folk trying to quit smoking. I had quit several years earlier, and hung around trying to help, having fun and generally filling in a large empty space left by a divorce.
I moved to Oklahoma, and six months later we were married, and I started smoking again ... :: sigh ::
More "middle of the night ramblings" for your late night reading.
My first trip to the US was in the Fall of 2003. I was invited to visit over Thanksgiving of that year by a friend I had made in that same Usenet group. I spent a wonderful two weeks in Maryland with two terrific women, one of whom is a Kossack, although she has been "absent" recently, and their families. In Maryland Democrats are a little thicker on the ground than here in Oklahoma.
Twelve months later I was invited back, but this time combined my trip with a visit to another friend in South Carolina, and my first visit to Oklahoma, to the home of the woman I would marry, although I didn’t know it at the time. On that trip I was here for two months and it was cold. Not quite as cold as it is right now; as I type this the thermometer is politely informing me that it is -1.3F outside, and I need to go get wood for the stove.
I blogged extensively in those early days. I started my Blogger account specifically for my two boys in England, that they might keep up with their daft old Dad.
I am poor but happy. Not happy to be poor you understand, but happy to be alive, and loved and, when I get the wood, warm. I am thankful that I have a close family and that my new family accepted me without qualification. In the words of my late father-in-law (paraphrased) "I might not understand twigg, and some of his views, I look at my daughter and she is happy, and that’s good enough for me". I am simply pleased that he understood that his daughter was happy, before he died.
So how does a guy from the Socialist side of England settle and live in Oklahoma?
There is no short answer to that question. I have blogged and Diaried fairly extensively about some of the contrasts and experiences, but in reality it hasn’t been easy. The more my wife moved towards progressive positions, the harder it gets for both of us to live here. At the last Presidential election Oklahoma officially became the Reddest State in the Union, which wasn’t "stupid", it wasn’t "low information", although both those things exist a-plenty. It was racism. Bald, naked hatred that a Black man could be considered "Presidential".
Around here he isn’t. Period. No shades of grey, they are counting the days until sanity will be restored. It doesn’t matter what the President says or does, they will find fault. There is no compromise, no bi-partisanship, no working across the aisle. The "aisle" here is Southern Baptist, and they hate him. You might think I put this too strongly. Hate is a strong emotion, but you don’t live here, and I do. If you live in one of several similar States, you will probably get it.
Somehow I have to make a life in this atmosphere, so I do. I make furniture, one-off pieces to order. Oklahoma might not have much in the way of social justice, but it does have some very fine oak, and walnut. I also run karaoke shows, and this English Liberal Atheist is quite able to walk into a redneck bar in Tulsa, entertain the patrons as they get progressively more drunk (that’s the only time I will use the word "progressive" with respect to most around here), and sing much as I type .... with no real notes. Yet leave them all having enjoyed a great evening, and ready to let me entertain them next week.
I even tolerate them singing Toby Keith, whose lyrics about 9/11 belie a great irony which Mr Keith, and his many impersonators, will never understand. If ever Americans wanted to understand why this country is so hated and feared around the world, they only have to listen to Toby Keith’s "Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue". In fact, I’ll include it here. It’s deeply ironic. Sorry about the ad, but that’s the least offensive thing you’ll see in the next few minutes:
What pisses me off most about that video is that it is shot in Iraq, in front of an audience of men and women whose lives are at risk from the very attitudes Mr Keith seems so damned proud of. There really aren’t the words.
If you are going to write songs about war, and many do, then I am afraid that is not the way to do it. Because I now have a very bad taste in my mouth, and my Diary is polluted by an Oklahoman, I feel the need to redress the balance, so I offer these:
First Donovan:
If you like country, and why not, I do, but want thoughtful, then I give you the Dixie Chicks:
There, that’s much better.
These attitudes are very foreign to me. I am not from around here, and however long I live, I probably never will be. I don’t come pre-programmed by the local Pastor. I don’t drag around baggage that stops me thinking critically. I am shocked when I realize folk can’t change jobs because of Health Insurance .... That’s not just a weird thing, it’s a complete anathema to me, and a ridiculous drag to the economy too. I flinch when I think that people, in their everyday lives, carry guns around. That’s just bone-headed, beyond justification. I come from a place where, if there is ever a gun incident, the calls go out from Left and Right to TIGHTEN the gun laws, not make it a compulsory purchase. Oh, and about that .... I thought they wanted smaller, less intrusive government. They may be simply trying to make a point, badly, but actually I don’t think they would be too disappointed were it to become law.
I come from a country where they try to tinker with the Health Service, but never more than that. It would be political suicide for any prospective politician to dare to challenge Universal Health Care. It’s what civilized societies do. A land where Dad’s get paternity leave, where everyone gets a legal minimum of about three weeks annual leave from work, and most get more. Where sickpay is statutory, and firing someone, or refusing housing because they are gay, is illegal.
France, where children get two hours for lunch, the younger ones, and teachers spend the first hour sitting and eating three course meals with them. Teaching them the importance of food, and the importance of sitting together, sharing a meal and enjoying the social occasion. Socialist Europe is my background, and Oklahoma is my home. There is a dissonance there that can be difficult to deal with at times.
Germany, where one of the most comprehensive Welfare safety nets in the world appears not to have dragged that country into bankruptcy. Where their government doesn't simply regard social justice as a feature of their work, but as a founding principle that the whole of German society is built upon. As for their lazy welfare queens (sic) ... Well we all admire German technical skills and engineering and yes, I'd buy a BMW.
So I come here, to DailyKos. Other places too, but mainly here because here is where I feel at home. Here is where the Americans most in tune with my history, background and beliefs reside .... At least part of the time.
I meet a lot of younger adults and they do give me some hope. They are less inclined to attend church than their parents. They are vastly more accepting of gay, black, Hispanic ... pick your minority, than are their elders. One day they will be persuaded to vote, and things will change. They do need to understand that if they do not change, then America will simply change without them. If they want a seat at that table, then they need to get more involved, more thoughtful, less ... well less a lot of things; but the long term forcast is okay. Meanwhile ....
Meanwhile I live happily enough. It was a bit easier when it was just me who felt "out of place". I could deal with that because I am out of place, and the adjustment was mine to make. Now my beautiful wife wants to move to Boston, or somewhere similar, so I have to deal with those feelings for two of us. We have family here, and will probably stay, but I hope to see the day when Oklahoma rejects the Dark Ages, and moves into the sunlight of a new dawn.
UPDATE: Guys ... Thanks for the Rec. List. It makes the distance between my home and my progressive attitudes seem a little shorter :)
UPDATE 2:I confess to being a little surprised at the strength of feeling in some of the comments below. Oh well ... It's all good discussion :)