Skip to main content

Fresh off its recent legislative accomplishment - guaranteeing the right of workers to be utterly powerless in negotiating their own wages and benefits - the Michigan GOP has decided to expand its agenda to other areas where similar rights are lacking.  As a result, the state legislature has narrowly passed a sweeping new measure guaranteeing the right to get hit by a car.  "Let's say you're going for a walk," said state senator Mike Duchenoz (R - Grosse Pointe).  "You're minding your own business, obeying the traffic laws, and so on.  Chances are, you won't get hit by a car even once.  Not even once!  Aren't you tired of that?"  The new law includes a separate rider amendment that offsets the potential inconvenience to drivers by making vehicular manslaughter and resultant vehicle repairs tax-deductible.

"Under this new law," continued Duchenoz, "no longer will decent, hard-working Michigan families be denied the opportunity to be horribly mangled that people in places like New Delhi and Kinshasa already enjoy."  After passing the bill, Republicans held a festival celebrating the achievement where legislators and supporters among the public showed their enthusiasm by rigging swords, pikes, and flamethrowers to the grills of their cars and watching Death Race 2000 - a film widely beloved in GOP circles as an inspiring glimpse of a utopian future.

Other GOP bills on the table for consideration in the next term:

  • The right to e-coli.
  • The right to hernias.
  • The right to be stalked by psychotic exes.
  • The right to herpes.
  • The right to be thrown into a volcano.
  • The right to daily anal rape by Mike Tyson.
Special guest David Koch, whose political action committee had spearheaded the initiative, closed the festivities by saying "Th-th-th-th-that's all, folks!" and then promising to release the hounds.
EMAIL TO A FRIEND X
Your Email has been sent.
You must add at least one tag to this diary before publishing it.

Add keywords that describe this diary. Separate multiple keywords with commas.
Tagging tips - Search For Tags - Browse For Tags

?

More Tagging tips:

A tag is a way to search for this diary. If someone is searching for "Barack Obama," is this a diary they'd be trying to find?

Use a person's full name, without any title. Senator Obama may become President Obama, and Michelle Obama might run for office.

If your diary covers an election or elected official, use election tags, which are generally the state abbreviation followed by the office. CA-01 is the first district House seat. CA-Sen covers both senate races. NY-GOV covers the New York governor's race.

Tags do not compound: that is, "education reform" is a completely different tag from "education". A tag like "reform" alone is probably not meaningful.

Consider if one or more of these tags fits your diary: Civil Rights, Community, Congress, Culture, Economy, Education, Elections, Energy, Environment, Health Care, International, Labor, Law, Media, Meta, National Security, Science, Transportation, or White House. If your diary is specific to a state, consider adding the state (California, Texas, etc). Keep in mind, though, that there are many wonderful and important diaries that don't fit in any of these tags. Don't worry if yours doesn't.

You can add a private note to this diary when hotlisting it:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from your hotlist?
Are you sure you want to remove your recommendation? You can only recommend a diary once, so you will not be able to re-recommend it afterwards.
Rescue this diary, and add a note:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from Rescue?
Choose where to republish this diary. The diary will be added to the queue for that group. Publish it from the queue to make it appear.

You must be a member of a group to use this feature.

Add a quick update to your diary without changing the diary itself:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary?
(The diary will be removed from the site and returned to your drafts for further editing.)
(The diary will be removed.)
Are you sure you want to save these changes to the published diary?

Comment Preferences

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site