For much of my life, I've been an extremely cynical person. I find it difficult to trust in anything: people, the economy and so on. This sort of distrust doesn't build up over night. It took years, and while I've improved a bit over the last couple of years particularly, I know I still have a long, long way to go. To be honest, I highly doubt I'll ever overcome such cynicism or mistrust.
I suppose I should say more below.
It's not that I am ungrateful for what I have, but no one should have to fall through the cracks like I had. No one should have to fight so hard for so little, like I did, but that seems to be where the country is in general because people are so easily manipulated to act against their own best interests.
Part of the reason I've had little faith in people is because I've been punched and kicked so many times (Not literally, of course) that I almost come to expect this from people. It happened virtually anywhere I went, from home, to school to places of employment. I was either the odd person out or the butt of someone's jokes, as happens with many people with disabilities.
Anyone with a child who has a disability probably knows this, or has even witnessed this in some form, but in general, we are often much more likely to be maligned in the work place. The reason why is simple: The employers themselves know full well that it's difficult for one with a disability to acquire, much less maintain employment, and many managers and higher ups often exploit this.
In today's world, despite our so-called advances, folks like us have virtually been swept under the rug, at least here in America. True, not everyone's doing it, and sometimes there's a silver lining somewhere, but that's exactly the point. No one should have to work so hard to find such a thing, and to me, there's a huge difference between putting forth effort and working yourself to the point of exhaustion.
And lastly, skilled labor, education and simple human decency are practically shit on in the United States because of the abject greed and sociopathy that exists all around us. I'm willing to keep fighting, but sometimes I feel like there's nothing left.
To those of you who say I should quit my bitching, I only have this to say: It could just as easily be you.
See you around,