Last night, Stephen Colbert mocked the sheer stupidity of Sue Everhart, the Georgia Republican Party's chairwoman, who claimed that allowing gay marriage would cause straight men to marry other men in order to commit fraud!!
Nation, you know on this show, night after night, for 7 1/2 years now, I try to defend the moral fortress that is America. But these are dark times for opponents of same-sex marriage. Not only is it an abomination against God's law, but I never get invited. It looks like so much fun, they had a beach wedding and a shrimp fountain! I look great in beige linen.Video below the fold.
Well last week folks, the Supreme Court heard arguments in two different gay marriage cases, which they will not rule on until June — wedding season. And you know the Supremes love weddings, they're already in matching bridesmaids dresses. Now, if they rule in favor of gay marriage, they will be ignoring sound legal arguments against it, such as, "Ewww."
And also, this one. Georgia GOP chairwoman Sue Everhart, who recently told the Marietta Daily Journal that:SUE EVERHART (4/1/2013): Lord, I'm going to get in trouble over this, but it is not natural for two women or two men to get married. ... If it was natural, they would have the equipment to have a sexual relationship.(audience boos her)
It's true. No, it is true. Two men and two women do not have the equipment to have sex. I have seen videos on the Internet where they try for hours and hours, but they just end up all sweaty and exhausted. It's sad, really.
So if they can't have a sexual relationship, what's this really about? Everhart knows it's not about marriage. It's not about gay rights. It's not even about gay people. It's about heterosexual fraud. 'Cause she says:SUE EVERHART (4/1/2013): You may be as straight as an arrow, and you may have a friend that is as straight as an arrow. Say you had a great job with the government where you had this wonderful health plan. I mean, what would prohibit you from saying that you're gay, and y'all get married and still live as separate, but you get all the benefits? ... There is no way that this is about equality. To me, it's all about a free ride.Yes, a free ride! This entire battle about marriage equality has really been about straight men trying to get free health care! 'Cause if there's one thing I know about straight guys, is that they will jump at any chance for their peers to think they might be gay. They love it. (audience applause)
Now of course, two straight guys getting married for benefits isn't a new scheme. It was blown wide open in the explosive documentary, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. And I certainly hope Ms. Everhart continues her in-depth research to expose other schemes, like adults sneaking back into 3rd grade to get a free lunch, or the epidemic of Israeli agents infiltrating our vulnerable salon industry. Stay vigilant.