It's hardly a revelation that the language Republicans speak isn't exactly English. In fact, it's not even really a language so much as an incoherent stew of meaningless emotional button-pushing and declarations of malice. But there are a few islands of stable meaning in the toxic sludge of their psychotic gibberish, so it's worthwhile from time to time to check in with some translations.
America: Me and not you.
Amurrca: America spoken by someone in the midst of performing oral sex on a blood relative.
Family values: Ensuring a fair market price when you sell your family into slavery.
Constitution: A 14-word document written by Ronald Reagan.
Democracy: People vote and then Republicans correct the ballots for the betterment of all.
Education: Teaching children to be exactly like me and/or obey people exactly like me.
Freedom: The quality or state of doing what I tell you.
Free Market: The voluntary exchange of goods and services between one person and another person pointing a loaded gun at their head.
Government: Anyone other than me who tells people what to do.
Gubmint: A government elected by other people.
Liberty: See Freedom.
Liberteh: Liberty spoken by someone with a very small penis.
Tyranny: Unconscionably placing your basic rights above my petty privileges.
God: See America.
Love: The emotion one feels upon looking in a mirror. See God.
Lust: The physical reaction one feels upon looking in a mirror.
Marriage: A mutual pretense between a soulless gold-digger and a self-hating closet homosexual.
Military: One of several ways to dispose of poor people by making them kill each other.
Murder: The termination of an embryo or fetus by the woman carrying it. Does not apply if both the woman and the embryo/fetus are beaten to death by the father and/or exploded with military ordnance - see Family values.
Romance: Republican street name for roofies.
Saw: Film franchise beloved by Republicans as a moral blueprint for interpersonal relations. See also Hostel, Deliverance, and Sleepers.
Science: Callous indifference to my superstitions, prejudices, and profit motives.
War: Breaking a few human-shaped eggs to make a Big Money omelette that I eat and then shit directly on to your face.