The Tea Party pack is still on the loose, yapping, foaming at the mouth, and sinking their fangs into the old, the young, the sick, the elderly and the poor. They've even turned on their own party, biting - or biting off, really - the hand that feeds them. Even their handlers, the once fearless Koch Brothers - have distanced themselves from their creation run amok. Veterans, teachers, children, women, immigrants... nobody's safe from the ongoing rampage. We watch in dismay as a small horde of crazed beasts tear up the landscape, leaving scorched-Earth carnage in their wake with no end in sight.
In trading their freedom for a place at our hearth (and an always-refilled dish, a soft bed, a bunch of plush squeaky toys, leash walks, treats, medical and dental care, and the loving attention of humans), dogs have accepted what the Tea Party cannot: that their pack has rules, and they must play by the rules. Dogs accept, even crave, a structure, a pack hierarchy, and the sustained and reliable relationship between actions and outcomes. They understand that in this covenant with humans, they need to check their aggression, cooperate with others, play nicely, and otherwise "behave themselves" in order to reap the rewards of The Life Domestic. It's not rocket science.
Rules, as one of my professors once noted, may indeed be for the "obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men", but they're there for a reason: maintaining civil order, security, and fairness. Society requires us to "behave ourselves" for the good of all. For the most part, Americans understand and accept this. Even young children can grasp the concept.
However, the Tea Party terror-pack believes that rules are just for YOU. They're exempt because... freedumb! Every aspect of your life, particularly your sexual and reproductive life, requires their constant and invasive scrutiny, while they are free to rape, pillage, cheat and steal and laugh it off because... freedumb!
My wonderful shelter dog, having lived in my home for a mere two months, is a paragon of canine virtue compared to the Tea Party Taliban.
"Yeah, I have to be on the leash at the beach. But it's cool. I can dig it"
Our previous installment shared a few simple lessons for the these miscreants, including:
If it's not your yard, it's not your problem
Leave other people's food alone
Don't crap on other people's lawns
Nobody wants to hear your barking
Be a good pack member
Try a little tenderness
Wag your tail once in a while
Here are a few more lessons that will also fall on deaf ears:
Yes, the rules apply to YOU: We've seen your type before. There's no obedience class that can hold you. The whole world is laid out for your ease and convenience. Rules are just for the others. It's a story that's been done to death, and it's getting really, really old. Instead of checking up on us and sticking your nose into our business - literally and figuratively - why not just straighten up and fly right and stop being such a pain in the butt.
Don't take more than you need, just because you can: Oh, I know. You're the big dog now, living large in your McDog House, surrounded by all the stuff you swiped when everyone else busy working. You can't stop dreaming about getting even more yummy food. Lemme tell you: you're wasting your time. You can't take it with you, and if you try wolfing it down, you're gonna die from stomach bloat. Your demise will not strike everyone as tragic. Just sayin'...
Don't whine: On a related note, if you're lucky enough to have a good place to live, nice stuff, good health, and no worries about the future, nobody wants to hear about your "first world problems". Shut up and show a little gratitude, not a lot of attitude! Many of the folks you're supposed to be helping don't have any of that, or if they have it, they're worried sick that you're gonna take it away from them. Don't be a dick.
Protect the kids: Remember when you were a pup, and your whole world revolved around "mommy" and "food" and "warmth" and "safety"? Nothing meant more to you than knowing that all that would be there for you - today, tomorrow, the next day. So quit stealing food, turning families out into the cold, and frightening people to death with worry that they won't be able to survive. Nobody needs that shit, and you know damn well: we have plenty of food, plenty of homes, and enough of everything for everyone to share... unless jackasses like you get greedy!
Respect your elders: Preying on the old folks isn't even sporting. Sure, they're easy to hunt down and they're crunchy, but they're the ones who built your home, kept you safe, provided for your care and education, and made many sacrifices for your sake. It's not easy being old and worrying that death is always over your shoulder. Show some love and respect, and don't turn the old folks out in the cold, starve them, or lie to them to make them live in constant fear. For shame!
As you walk the streets this Halloween night, it won't be hard to spot the Tea Party bad dogs. They're the ones scaring the kids and stealing all the candy and giving it to the rich. With any luck, a few pieces will trickle down to you... someday.