Enough time has passed that I can finally write about my father's death. He was far too young at 72 and died unnecessarily after brushing off the consequences of a fall in February. I was a complete wreck for a while. I went through all the stages of grief and am finally at the last one; acceptance.
And I want to share something I learned.
There was such a tremendous outpouring of sadness and love from our community, family and friends. My father was a big man with a big heart and he left a giant footprint; having an outsized impact on the lives of everyone he touched.
He was a pastor, dedicated to helping others and lifting people up. He married, baptized, confirmed and buried thousands of people during his life. I would never call what he did a "job" or a "career". It was his calling.
In February he slipped on the ice walking out to the mailbox and cracked his head on the driveway, knocking himself out briefly. Typically, he told my mom that he was fine and that there was nothing to worry about. From there a straight line can be drawn to the cascade of health failures that killed him two months later.
He developed a blood clot in his brain that would have been easily treatable had he taken it seriously. But he was a busy man, even in his "retirement" he never slowed down. He continued baptizing and marrying and burying. He was the chaplain for the police and fire departments. He was the fill-in pastor at other area churches. He visited people in the hospital. He was active in Rotary. And he was a fiercely devoted grandfather to my brother's kids.
All the while the blood clot was growing and his balance began to be affected. We found out later, too late, that he taken more falls which he didn't tell anyone about.
Finally one morning he couldn't walk any more and had lost the use of his right arm. Finally they went to see his doctor who scheduled him for an MRI 9 days later.
Let me repeat that: a 72 year old man loses the use of both legs and one arm and the doctor doesn't send him to the emergency room immediately, he sends him home!
Being of a generation that never questioned the authority of their doctor, they went home to wait for their appointment.
On Easter Sunday my brother and I and our wives went to visit my parents for brunch. We hadn't been been told the extent of Dad's situation, only that he was having some issues and had been to his doctor.
When we saw his condition we were shocked and insisted he not wait for some stupid test but get to the emergency room right away. Dad said he was ok. We said no you are not and convinced him to go to the hospital where he was admitted immediately.
In order to better drain off the clot in his brain they gave him blood thinners. Which caused the brain to bleed. In order to stem the brain bleed they gave him coagulants. Which caused more blood clots, primarily in his legs. One of those clots broke free, moved up to his heart and killed him.
In eight weeks my dad went from being a hale, healthy and active senior to his death because he didn't take seriously one little slip on the ice.
I am not writing this to get sympathy. As I said, I've had time to come to grips with it. I just want people to know just how fragile life can be. I want people to pay more attention to their health and the health of their loved ones. I want people to remember what's important, really important, in life.
Even though we live only 15 minutes apart, I didn't get to see my dad much in the last few years. You see, I was busy. I was working 60+ hour weeks. I had my own things going on. I figured my dad would always be there. And now he's not. Now I will never spend any more time with him.
His death was so preventable. If I can get even one person reading this to check up on a parent or loved one, then maybe I will have found something positive to take from this tragedy.
For now, I have my mom to take care of and my wife has both of her parents. I won't ever again allow myself to become complaisant or distracted by the day to day stuff.
I have learned a very hard lesson.
Peace.