I see a lot of people attacking muslims because the social issues in the Middle East. This is especially true during Pride month, when people often decry liberals for supporting gay rights and Muslims in the country. As if the proper response to combating fundamentalist Muslim ideology is to shame them for it.
I want to share, therefore, an interesting and analogous experience I had convincing my dad to become pro-gay rights. He was a very fundamentalist Hindu, and even after being in the US for 20+ years, he had very rigid views on such issues. His fundamentalism also informed his views on Christians, and whites, whom he sees as invaders (because of British colonialization) who come to India to deconvert hindus, and extinct our culture. He used to very very defensive.
So, whenever I spoke supportively of gay rights, he saw it as Christians, and western culture influencing me negatively to make me disrespect my Indian culture.
So I used two strategies. One was that he respected western medicine, so I presented to him scientific data published in peer reviewed journals that showed that gays don't harm society. While he did not dispute these results, he was still apprehensive about losing a bit of his culture.
Recognizing this apprehension, I reminded him of a story that he told me once. When his grandfather died and his grandmother became a widow, she resigned herself to remove the sacred dot on her forehead and wear white clothes and shave her head. Back in the day, these things were done to make the widow less attractive so she cannot marry again. My great grandmother, in her seventies, was about to do this. But my father and his brothers stopped it. They refused to allow her to do it.
So I asked him, didn't he then change Indian culture, when he thought it was immoral? So why is it wrong when I try to change Indian culture to make it better?
As his son, and a patriotic Indian, I was finally able to convince him.
Now this is the beauty of convincing someone, and not just shaming him into silence. When I went back to India a couple years ago, after my own grandfather died, a debate about gay rights was raging in India. My aunts and uncles all ganged up on me against gay rights. That's when my dad took my side- maybe a bit briefly- but he explained how scientific studies show that gays don't harm society in any way.
My dad, the eldest of his brothers and sisters, holds tremendous respect in the family. They know how much he loves India and Indian culture, so his words had an effect. And here he was doing laundry, while simultaneously championing gay rights. I was so happy.
THIS is how you change minds in a fundamentalist society. This is why I caution white Americans to let the natives handle it. don't confront fundamentalists of countries affected by colonialization and conquest because you aren't doing us any favor. They become defensive and feel more like the victims, since they see America as the powerful oppressors.
If you want to help, just give the moderate natives support, give us ideas, give us a place to vent and let us handle the rest. This sort of change must come from within the culture, not outside of it.
