Since we'll have to wait over this weekend and beyond, it's time to go out carolling. . . (but there's probably less shopping days, still, than you realize! So don't wait till the last minute, cause you don't know when it'll be!")
1. The Waitresses
Bah Humbug! No that's too strong
`cause it's my favorite holiday
But it's been put off for over two years
Don't think I have the energy
To add to my already mad rush
Of catching up with blog posts
The perfect gift for me would be
Connections with "the media" be none
Last year, phone banks
Outdone by Diebold, felt powerless
Terri Schiavo and Supreme Court
Most of '05 passed along those lines
So deck those cells, indict those "frogs"
Raise up cups of Fitzmas cheer
I just need to catch my breath
Fitzmas by myself this year.
DailyKos, Dem Underground,
Kept me warm these past few years
The Nation, Air America
Get the five-years Winter over with!
Now the calendar's just one page
And of course, I am excited
If tonight's the night, but I've set my mind
Let Fitzgerald cross his I's and T's
Merry Fitzmas! Merry Fitzmas!
But I think I'll miss it if it's tonight.
Merry Fitzmas! Merry Fitzmas!
Tired of waiting for the news to come!
Merry Fitzmas! Merry Fitzmas!
But I think I'll miss it if it's tonight.
Merry Fitzmas! Merry Fitzmas!
Tired of waiting for the news to come!
(Horns play in background)
Hardly dashing through the snow
Cause I bundled up too tight
Last minute have to-do's
A few e-mails, a few IM's
`cause it's RSVP
no thanks, no party lights
It's Fitzmas Eve, gonna relax
Turned down all of my e-vites
Last week, night to myself
I couldn't wait, Fitzmas Party
Waited all week for him to show,
He did not, except for a web page
Forget it, it's cold, it's late
Trudge on home to celebrate
In a quiet way, unwind
Doing Fitzmas right this time
Bush and Cheney have left me
With this largest turkey
Already in the oven, nice and hot
Oh damn! Guess what I forgot?
So on with the boots, back out in the snow
To the all-night grocery
When what to my wandering eyes should veer
On the store's tv. Did Fitzy appear!
"I have indictments to hand out
More than twenty of them
And there's two
for Bush and Cheney too!"
Then all in the store laughed and laughed
Caught on to what was happening
The Fitzmas' magic brought this tale
To a very happy ending!
Merry Fitzmas! Merry Fitzmas!
Couldn't miss this one this year!
Merry Fitzmas! Merry Fitzmas!
Couldn't miss this one this year!
2. From Judith Miller
Fitzy Baby
What's this arrest warrant under the tree for me?
I've been an awful good girl
To Bushy Baby
Now hurry to jail to free me!
Fitzy Baby,
I don't know whos' the "flame" in my diary,
I'll wait up for you, dear,
Fitzy Baby, hurry to jail to free me!
Think of all the articles I wrote
Think of the praise of me
Next Year I could be oh so good
If you'd check off the Media Whore list
Not even one talking point missed!
Boo doo bee doo
Libby honey, I wanna yacht and really
That's not a lot
I've been an angel all year
Fitzy Baby, hurry to jail to free me!
Cheney Cutie, there's really one thing I need, the deed
To an Iraqi Oil well
Fitzy baby, hurry to jail to free me!
Rovie Turdy, you're filling my stocking with a duplex and checks,
Sign your "X" on the Swiss account,
Fitzy baby, hurry to jail to free me!
Come and trim my tree
With Birkin Bags and Gucci Shoes
I really do believe in Bush
Cause I made up my exposes
Boo doo bee doo
Fitzy Baby, no one's coming through
`cept Libby said it's him
Now please! Fitzy Baby, hurry to jail to free me!
Hurry to jail to free me!
I'll tell you what you need from me!
There you go. . . don't remember the date!
It was then, oh yes. . . no wait! . . .
Fitzy Baby,
What's this indictment under this tree for me?!
[Fade out]
3. From Jeff Gannon
Last scandal
I gave you my schlong
But the very next day
You gave me away
This Fitzmas, to save me some tears
I'll give it to someone special
Last scandal
I gave you my schlong
But the very next day
You gave me away
This Fitzmas, to save me some tears
I'll give it to someone special
You responded to my ad
That I was aggressive and a top
You found my bald head a total fetish!
You gave me a two week degree and a White House press pass!
We had "sexual relations" in ways that would make Monica blush!
You said I gave you quite such a rush!
Even the President could not resist the way he smiled and called on me!
As I threw my softball, from behind, you smiled, knowing what's in store for the evening!
[Chorus]
A crowded court room, neocons with tired eyes
I'm drawn to you and your soul of ice
My God I thought you could get us all out of this
You won't even give me a shoulder to cry on!
A face on a "Blossom" with a hard-on!
A self-hater undercover, you tore me apart
Now I'll find a real John--you'll never fool the people again
[Chorus]
A face on a "Blossom" with a hard-on
(gave you my schlong)
A self-hater undercover, you tore me apart
This Fitzmas, I'll give it to someone special
Who'll give me money in return
I'll Give it to someone
Hold me "there" let me squirt
I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone special
[Fade out]
Weird Al Yankovic ("Christmas at Ground Zero" the original tune)
It's Fitzmas at Code Red!
There's music in the air.
The duct tape is wrapping and the carolers are blogging
While the air raid sirens blare
It's Fitzmas at Code Red!
The baby carriages on the way!
The birds are dropping their flu
right over everyone's head!
Fox News has the warning words scrolling
A white woman has disappeared!
No more time for any cavalry coming!
It's time to meet your final destiny
It's Fitzmas at Code Red!
There's panic in the White House.
We can dodge the talking points
While we trim the tree
Underneath Ann Coulter's apple
You might hear some reindeer on Cheney's rooftop
Or Jack Frost on Rove's window sill
But if Fitz is crawling down the White House chimney
They can try, but we will not let them "shoot to kill"
It's Fitzmas at ground zero
And if the indictments are handed out today,
I'll go out with you
And see all the neo-cons
go and self-destruct away!
It's Fitzmas at Code Red!
With seconds left to go
I'll duck and cover with my Yuletide Lover
Underneath the "indictments" scroll
It's Fitzmas at Code Red!
Now the missiles that were gonna hit Iran
What a glorious fluke!
No one's gonna get nuked
But Bush/Cheney this holiday!