I debated whether or not to share this small story again.
I decided to do it because I think it is apropos to the celebration of this beautiful annual anniversary; albeit pregnant with the usual, but unnecessary, self imposed tension by so many of us, I'm doing it in the hope it'll bring relief and relaxation to at least one frantic lover in the quest to find "The Perfect Valentine Gift", and as a loving reminder that objects only reflect the value that we give them. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is the unedited raw communication to my closest friends, all Transgender Activists and to myself. Here it is:
My 2001 Valentine's day story.
----- Original Message -----
From: Aurora
To: (Names withheld). ;
Sent: Thursday, February 15, 2001 1:33 AM
Subject: My 2001 Valentine's day story
Valentine's Day, 11:42 pm.
It's almost over, 18 more minutes.
It is not important to receive flowers, or a hug, or a kiss on Valentine's day, those are extras. The least I expected was to enjoy this sunny day in the Mission with an afternoon stroll.
Stepped out of my place, turned right and began my northbound stroll on Mission Street.
Crossed 23rd st., approaching the former Grand theatre, I heard someone yelling anti gay epithets on my left (The street) I ignored it, so many males enjoy doing that, I guess.
About 30 seconds later a saw a young man riding his bicycle southbound on the sidewalk, he came up fast like he was going to run me over, It was a blur, he veered to my left so as to barely miss me and as he went by me I heard a spiting sound and something hit me on the left side of my head, I looked back and it was this young Latino male, early twenties, dark skinned, he stopped for a second to look back at me and verbally gay-bashed me. He had spitted on the left side of my head. He continued southbound. I looked at my watch about this time and it was close to 3:15 of a beautiful afternoon day in the Mission.
I resumed walking northbound, I don't know what I was feeling, felt humiliated and angry. About 30 sec. later, he was verbally bashing me from the street, this time he was northbound, he tight circled in his bike on the street and continued to yell at me. He proceeded northbound, I stood for a don't know how long, a few seconds, I guess, I saw him turn east on 22nd. I resumed walking northbound, chalked it off to just another asshole.
About 25 feet of sidewalk later, I heard him again, he had turned around and he was southbound again, he tight circled his bike to continue the gay-bashing from the street and headed south on Mission.
I began to get concerned and apprehensive. I stood there for a brief time, looked south and the kid wasn't on sight. I restarted my northbound walking.
I was about 50 feet away from, and approaching 22nd St., this time I was continuously turning my head in case he came back and also hoping to see a squad car (I had just saw one at 23rd and Mission), he did came back, riding his bike northbound, he just slowed down to gay-bash me again, he just rode just a little ahead of me, turned around, circled headed south and headed south again, when he came up at my level, from the street, the bashing continued.
He was so angry, gesturing/shaking(?) his tightly clenched right fist toward me from the street. He was close enough for me to see his eyes, there was hate in there. It was an ugly look. He rode south on Mission.
I walked to 22nd and at the corner I stopped off the sidewalk looking in all directions hoping to see the police or in case he came back. I stood on mission at 22nd, just off the sidewalk for about 2min. I saw the phones across the street outside of Anna's Linens and when the green light came on, I quickly crossed the street and called 911.
I gave a description of the kid and of the events the best I could, the dispatcher was telling me to calm down, I was so scared or whatever, I had to hold on to the phone because my knees were shaking and felt unable to walk, I told the dispatcher the situation and she told me that the police would be there shortly. She asked if there was a business close by, I said I was just in front of Anna's Linens, she told me to stay close to the store, not to move from there and wait for the police. I was crying and the people were watching me. I walked wobbling the 4ft or so to the store front and stood/leaned on the storefront.
I waited for a long time, or so it seemed, 5, 10min. I don't know, I guess it is on the 911 tape. I stood there, crying, looking in both direction, no cops, but no kid either. I imagined all kinds of things, maybe he went to get something, a gun? another weapon? some friends as crazy as him? The wait was awful!
In one of the times that I looked south, I saw the kid coming down again, northbound, slowly..... Looking at both sides of the street, scanning, looking for me. Never in my life I felt this way, I was being stalked, I started to panic and kind of shrunk my body as I lowered and turned my head away from him, he didn't saw me, he continued north past 22nd and I saw him all the way close to 21st st., all this time scanning both sides of the street. I walked to the phone and called 911 again and told the dispatcher that he came back and where he was heading, she told me she was a different dispatcher, to tell her what was the problem/situation(?) silly me! I kind of had the idea that since I called the same number, I was talking to the same person. I felt stupid. I had to describe again the events. She told me to wait where I was.
I waited, I waited, looking in both directions, crying, scared, that kid is crazy with hate.
Finally the police came, the officer took my report, I told him that the kid had spitted on my head and turned it for him to see, he said: "I see it" I made a report, the policeman called and told me that his sergeant was on the way, he was there shortly, he told me that the complaint was made and was being treated as a hate crime. He told me to go home and not come out, they'd contact me if they located the nut. My friend Maria was going by while I was making the report, when she came up to me and I just wrapped my left arm on her waist and clinged on to her for dear life, she's a big girl, I felt comforted and safe. I told her what the kid had done, she looked at my head and cleaned the spit with a tissue, Another girlfriend came by and she stayed with me for awhile too, hugging me and I started practically bawling.
Maria walked me to my place, barely a block away and stayed with me for an hour or so while we had some coffee, a cigarette, and lots of caring female solidarity and love.
It's 12:53 am on 2/15/2001 - I haven't stepped out of my place. I'm crying now, I don't know why. I'm not bleeding, but it hurts so much. I wanted to talk to somebody, but at this time? I decided to write this e-mail to my trans sisters and brothers - Need to report this to CUAV and get some mace or something. Shawna will be getting this communication too. Shawna, let me know if anything else is needed and tell me what I need to do, Please.
All is changed now. It'll never be the same again, or so I'm told.
My Valentine's Day story.
There's one thing I keep wondering, I'm so visible, will it continue?........Tomorrow?.... Or the day after?..... This is my home, my neighborhood and it's not safe anymore.
1:16am, I haven't sent the e-mail, I've been staring at the monitor, then read what I wrote, wondering all kinds of things, staring at the monitor, reading it again, wondering, anger, frustration, powerlessness.
It just happens all the time, everywhere! Just another day in paradise!
Getting better? Yeah! With the new administration and a new attorney general, extremely homophobic and full of hate. But don't worry! It's OK, he speaks for God and does His work.
Why should I be worried?
Aurora