In response to the ever-reasonable Proposition 8 in California, which restored TRADITIONAL marriage as it has been defined for thousands of years (and was mostly funded by the Mormon Church of Latter Day Saints), I hereby call upon teh gays to promote the equally reasonable and Jesusesque "Proposition P", which would restore TRADITIONAL prophets, as THEY have been defined for thousands of years.
Proposition P, or The Defense of Religious Leaders Who Did Not Wear Magical Underwear, would change the California constitution so that only prophets identified and revered BEFORE 1820 would be recognized.
Once Proposition P is law, any non-traditional prophets... say ones that claimed they could find gold by putting stones in a white stovepipe hat or who, for years, promoted the practice of polygamy... would be devalued as second-class and believers in these modern, substandard prophets would not be allowed to claim their values as valid as those who believe in, like, totally REAL God.
Look, I'm NOT trying to make these immoral and shameful new believers feel BADLY about themselves, but TRADITION dictates one homogeneous world-view and I'm worried what it says about MY prophet if any self-interested, outcast in Pennsylvania can wander into the woods and claim to have heard the word of God.
And then there's the children?
What will happen to the little one's blind adherence to my totally random, but much OLDER belief system, if they are forced to consider someone else's equally random, but much more RECENT, system of morality derived through fear of damnation and haphazardly concocted bogeymen?
Can we really take the chance that some "teacher" pushing an "agenda" of "tolerance" might suggest these "other prophets" are anything more than amoral bacteria-sacks?
No! TRADITIONAL PROPHETS are the way it has always been done... always being defined as at least a couple thousand years, before which we had the PRE-TRADITIONAL Gods and Prophets Like Zeus and Vishnu, who we should also probably get around to outlawing and belittling at some point.
Look, if none of the above is compelling, consider this:
We must pass The Defense of Prophets Act, if for no other reason than to ensure that gay people, who have existed since the beginning of humanity, won't find themselves being bullied by a religion which postdates penicillin... and the steam engine... and the merkin.
Proposition P: because every hateful act of spite deserves and equally irrational response.
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Oh... BTW... should you care to DIGG.