Yes I found it, the Romney campaign’s computer ETCH-A-SKETcH resource website! Man talk about hard to locate! Well to be totally accurate I wasn't really looking for the elusive ETCH-A-SKETcH resource any more, after having given up. I know you're saying accurate and Romney are not allowed in the same paragraph according the latest Strumk and Fugnals English grammar tome, but since this is a diary about a repub-lick-an I found a footnote saying due to excessive repub-lick-an truthlessness that rule can be ignored in a certified KOS diary if the exception’s duly noted.
It happened suddenly! Just when I'd given up hope I stumbled on it. I mean like I'd tried for days figuring they had to be working very hard to decide what each days ETCH-A-SKETcH topic would be. I mean they couldn’t let other candidates, reporters and sassy Democrats set the agenda now could they. I kinda figured they would have hundreds of campaign workers researching topics and then have someone work for several hours etching it on to that screen to show to us. Then they had to get someone besides Romney,who’s usually chit chatting with a wealthy donor about how hard it seems to be to relate to the not one percent, to mention the ETCH. (Speaking of that I remember in college I used to use the line, “Wanna come up to my apartment and see my ETCHINGS… wink, wink." with women I met. It worked for me and seems to be working for THE MAN, I mean it's good for lots of “look at me” headlines, right? A well it doesn’t seem to be working with women for him but given the repub-lick-an anti women agenda he's stuck with that ETCH ain’t exactly being ‘Rushed’ to get fixed.
Wow was I wrong about the site. I assumed that when they did their research they would document it on an internal website and so I being the profeshional I are, looked using all the legal tools I could. You know the usual like the Flibber, Flabber and Squigle android app. It came up with about a pasal (That’s southern speak for a whole damm bunch.) of sites that took me a lot of time to check out. Nothing looked remotely like what I was looking for.
I then used the iphone app, Gribble, Squige and SnatchIt. That came up with a lot more and some looked promising until I discovered I was holding the iphone upside down.
I was getting pretty frustrated by then but... Having started on the quest I figured I’d continue since I had wasted so much time already and time’s money. (Well not to me anymore as I am retired and time is… well it is ALL I have. All The Time In the World....)
I decided I was going to find the source or wear out my rocker wheels doing it.
So I continued looking for the most mysterious web page in the known world. I knew it had to be so totally random that even the best reporters would think it had to be Romney himself who was selecting the ETCH-A-SKETcH of the day.
I even tried the ITCH-A-SKETcH method. You scratch on the ETCH-A-SKETcH until something looks like a real word than make a sentence around that. That seemed to be getting close. I had my cat do the scratching and that looked even closer. Then I had my Mastiff dog scratch. I went through a bunch of the ETCH a thinga magiggey’s because she was a little more interested in scratching her fleas and kept chewing on the buttons. That seemed to be getting even closer even though my dog kept hissing at me. you know how a hissing Mastiff sounds, to me it sounded like semusssss. "Seems us?" I asked her trying to find out what she was hissing at me. She growled then. When a 90 pound Mastiff growls at you... well you just listen.
I figured I wasn't going to get anything more from her unless I went to the store and got another box of dog treats. I'd already spend fifty dollars on treats for her and the dammed (I mean darned) cat. My fixed income wallet said let it go, forget it, find another quest. I realized I was getting a little testy as were my dog and the cat. All I could think of was the song that was playing over and over in my head, the old Blues tune "Cat Scratch Fever".) Of course maybe the cat scratches all over my arm probably had me under their spell. (How else could I get the cat to scratch the ETCH-A-SKETcH than by rubbing catnip all over it. Of course some got on my arm. It was not a pretty sight after the research.
So after all that I gave up and went back to work on my computer. Just then the cat jumped up on the desk and ran over the keyboard as she chased a rare indoor Mega Grooka Tasabinko butterfly that had just hatched and emerged from the back of my old thermal link jet printer. I really need to get a new printer but it's the only one that works with my Word Imperfect software and I don't want to have to learn how to use a new writing program. It took me ten f***ing years to learn how to use and I may not have that much time left.
Oh sorry I got sidetracked there, you know how it gets when you're older than sand. Any way I found the site like I said. It's (and you're not going to believe this) called stumbleupon. Now you can look up anything as accurately as Romney can. Warning he keeps saying he can’t remember things because research at this site does take a little time and technique but with a little ancestry you'll have it mastered in a lifetime or two.