Hey, it's 2014 and there are two trends techies and tech-NOs know: President Barack Obama with his badass coalition of the willing is going to ROCK in Iraq this season AND clickbait is absolutely the way to get out the hot trends and hotter bodes. So here we go:
HERE ARE 5 AMAZING REASONS THE NEXT IRAQ WAR WILL BE THE BEST EVER!
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Celebrities Who Clearly Have Fake Teeth!
5. THIS GUY WON'T BE RUNNING THE WAR
I don't think that can be stressed enough. Cheney's motto would have been "War is like pizza, the only bad war is no war" ... except that his teeth were clearly fake from this unretouched photo.
Worst Celebrity Mugshots Of All Time!
4. WE'VE DONE THIS BEFORE
Trivia quiz: How many American servicemen died toppling Muammar Gaddafi? None. The opposition was far more disjointed and unorganized than the Motley Crue we have in the Levant. We swore to never set boots on the ground and we didn't. After the liberation, we were seen as heroic allies by the vast majority of Libyans. Then we stayed the fuck out, didn't nation build, didn't rape the oil wealth and that seems to have worked out... well, just the same as every other time.
NEXT!
Dirty Little Secret King Abdullah
Doesn't Want You To Know
3. THE SAUDIS DONT OWN THIS SHERIFF
When King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia recently stated that ISIL would within months be delivering terror to Europe and America, he actually meant ISIL would soon be at his door with a pizza of DEATH! Qaeda type Jihadi's hate the House Of Saud even more than they hate the House Of Pancakes. Through the past 60 years the oil princes have been able to call on the US DOD as their personal Pinkertons but not anymore. Pundits keep decrying that Obama has lousy relationships with the middle east despots. Good. Now the King is letting on that he is not happy POTUS dropped their name amongst the coalition of the anonymously willing. Gas up the F-16s King, you're going in or we aren't.
This Persian Recipe Will Have
You High School Skinny In 30 Days!
2. IRANIANS ARE ALREADY BRINGING THE SPECIAL SAUCE
Okay, so the Saudi's weren't thrilled to go public as our ally, but a funny thing happened after the President's speech: Iran publicly expressed disappointment they were NOT in the coalition. Really? Someone wants to be on our side? Yes, I know the whole Assad love triangle is complicated but... they want to be our friends? That's too cute :)
Quds Force specialists have been an integral part of the limited success the Iraqi Army has seen since June's ISIL blitz into Mosil. Improved tactics and motivation are already seeing results. I thoroughly expect Obama to visit Tehran before the year is up but probably after the election. It's time.
You Will Never Believe Who
This Goofy Kid Grew Up To Be!
1. THIS GUY IS IN CHARGE YE OF LITTLE FAITH
Seriously, when you saw John McCain rattling off the crazy on TeeVee weren't you thanking God (or not, I don't want another meta war) you voted for Barack H. "Mutherfuckin'" Obama. Body bags have become passé in this new regime or hadn't you noticed. THERE WILL BE NO BOOTS ON THE GROUND! These "Trainers" will actually be trainers. This Preznit understands as a foundational truth that whenever the US sticks it chin out someones going to punch it, so he won't do it. He knows our enemies want us there as a shit magnet, so we won't be there. Peshmerga and Iraqi will be taking the beatings and reaping the glory just like Libyans did. This guy gets what he can and we always beat him up for what he can't. I trust him. He's given me plenty of reason.