I made a comment in BiPM's Cheers and Jeers about how the weather on the west coast is definitely not normal. And it got me to thinking, we should probably change the names of the months to better reflect the coming weather patterns due to climate changes. So with tongue firmly planted in cheek and choking back the tears when I consider this brave, new world we're racing towards I give you my proposal for the new calendar after the Cheeto of Climate Doom...
Marchuary -- The new calendar starts off with a month that comes in like a lion and leaves like a pissed off, drunken lion on meth. Anything is possible, hurricanes, blizzards, blizzicanes.
Apriluary -- It could be mild, it could be wild. Spring comes earlier now but you could easily get 6 more weeks of winter if Rush Limbaugh sees his shadow.
Mayarch -- Named after the Mayans this month of flood prone weather will make you wish the world really did end in December of 2012.
Junpril -- Finally, spring is here! With summer time heat just in time to dry up all the floods from Mayarch.
Maybe -- Maybe it will, maybe it won't. That's the theme as we approach the end of the first half of the new calendar. Maybe it'll rain 20" this week, maybe it won't be 110°F in the shade -- in Boise, Idaho.
June -- Heh, it's summer. It's hot but we're used to that.
July -- Ahh, that's more like it. Another month and the living is easy.
Julier -- What the, it's STILL getting hotter?! The days are getting shorter, WTF is up with that?!
Ughgust -- 95% humidity and 95°F day after day really puts the "Ugh" in Ughgust.
Hotember -- Heh, it's only 75°F as winter finally arrives in the month of Hotember. Which, coincidentally, is what much of the Rocky Mountain forests look like after nearly 8 months of fire season -- hot embers.
Notbetter -- Really it just not any better during the next to last month of the year.
Dectober -- Finally, a last gasp of summer heat just in time for the Christmas shopping season.