I think that I have truly burned out as an adjunct instructor at Redacted Community College. I love my “side gig” tutoring math to student-athletes for Undisclosed University and tutoring and thought that I was easily amused, but my supervisor stepped in for the second time to grade my students’ work since the prospect of grading the projects overwhelmed me to the point of wanting to just go to bed. Which I did, during the Thanksgiving break. I postponed the grading until the last minute, then decided to spend the last minute doing other things.
It appears that my teaching career in junior and technical colleges has come to an end, and there’s no replacement in sight.
I love helping people understand math, but doing it for just enough money to keep my head above water with a second job, for students who really don’t want to be there, seems to be putting me and too many of them on a downward spiral.
Or maybe I’m just lazy. Or depressed (I do have the diagnosis). Or overly addicted to the Internet. Or (d) all of the above.
So I think that I’m going to hand in a resignation, but that seems like a horrible idea until I find another job to replace Redacted. Chances are that Other Job will not pay well.
I’m also scared that if I find another job, it will end the same way.
UPDATE: I talked with my supervisor. I wanted to talk about reducing my hours. She wanted to tell me that she might have to schedule me for fewer hours. So, win-win?
I will be seeing my meds doc before Christmas. I was tested for ADHD ten years ago and prescribed Adderall (back when it was prescribed quite freely). It certainly led to improvements in my productivity, but also to a racing pulse. My meds doc is aware that there are new ADHD meds without the side effects, but I would need to be retested. (I go to a community health clinic that’s only too happy to take my ACA insurance...much of their clientele has none.)
That I am reluctant to grade: is it attitude, is it depression, is it ADHD? Whatever it is, running away from grading will not help.
UPDATE 2: If you need insurance through the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare), you must apply by December 15! (Not relevant, but I’m saying this at random to get the news out.)