(I’m known as Owned_by_Cats on Reddit, and wrote a little song.)
Tune: "I've Got a Little List", Gilbert and Sullivan, The Mikado
Together out on Reddit pro-Ukrainians made a list
And Putin would be pissed
If he would see the list
Of Russian territories that Moscow should have missed
We have a lovely list
A great big honking list
To the northwest there's Karelia and Vyborg on the sea
Murmansk was Novogorod while Kazan was Tartary
Kalinigrad was Polish with a name I can't pronounce
Then it turned to Konigsberg , with many-a timbered house.
The Lith-u-a-ni-ans of Smolensk once were suzerain,
Turk-i-ye owned the Crim-e-a but now says it's Ukraine,
And Chechnya, now Russian, just 'cause Kadyrov's a whore,
Plus bloodyminded enclaves in the mountains by the score,
The east side of the Urals with their factories galore,
That Moscow should have missed, they really should have missed.
We have a lovely list, a great big honking list
Of enslaved and conquered territ'rees that Russia should have missed.
Yes, Rostov and Krasnodar were as Uk-rai-nian as Kyiv,
While Dagestan was Turk -- I think that that would work,
The Qing controlled the Amur on both sides back in the day,
Blagoveshchensk was Chinese; its name was Hailanpao (海蘭泡/海兰泡).
While Khabarovsk was Boli, Chinese just like Sakhalin
And Vladivostok thrived when it was known as Haishensei
If China wants some elbow room, what good are Spratley rocks
To take back Green Ukraine they only need to change the locks
Siberia's wonderland of women, minerals and food...
If China wants them back, by Putin's rules that's good.
We have a lovely list, a great big honking list
Of enslaved and conquered territ'rees that Russia should have missed.